Many of us say that other people’s opinion dont matter to us, but that’s rarely truly the case because we need other people. From an early age we mirror people around us and learn from them. We can’t survive without someone’s help. And that’s only one of the reasons why we believe other people’s opinion is extremely important. In society it actually is, but it shouldn’t define our personal value, and that’s a distinction we rarely apply.
The essence of an independent mind is not what it thinks, but how it thinks.
Christopher Hitchens
Nobody knows anything
I grew up in a small town and lived for 25 years in a big one. From experience I know it doesn’t matter how big a city is if your self-worth depends on other people’s opinions. Which basically means measuring yourself through the standards and thinking of the people around you, whether that’s family, friends, business associates or acquaintances.
When you live in a small town it might seem more obvious, but it is not really different anywhere. Wherever you live or work, over time you build a circle of people you interact with every day.
And it is common that everyone thinks they know everything about everyone, while pretending they don’t. This is often harmful for the mind and for the body. Pretending, withholding and suppressing emotions creates a society that is constantly under stress and even more importantly full of distrust.
Nobody really trusts anyone. And that makes sense when we all subconsciously know that we are hiding something from each other, no matter how small it may be. We justify it, of course, but over time it damages the health of the whole society and blocks cooperation and connection. Yet cooperation and trust are the foundation of any humane society.
There are very few people who can calmly express opinions that go against the expectations of their social environment. Most people are not capable of forming such opinions.
Albert Einstein
Maybe that is why things are like this
Instead we pretend we know nothing or have not heard anything and then we talk behind each other’s backs. Sarcasm and mockery are constant. And because of that we also lie, because we do not want to become the target ourselves, so the cycle continues. Logically, that makes no sense.
We all make mistakes, we are all trying to figure out how to live as well as we can. And the truth is that no matter how much it looks like some people know what they are doing, that is not true. We are all improvising. So why aren’t we just honest with each other. Why don’t we talk about it. It would make things easier for all of us.But what in this world is actually simple and logical. It feels like we often choose complexity over clarity.
If you asked most people, including myself, we would all say we want things to be simple and clear. And yet almost none of us really believe that is possible. Maybe that is why things are like this.
It is important
But back to the original question, how important is other people’s opinion to you. For most of us the answer is very important, even if we do not want to admit it. And we should admit it, because pretending otherwise creates even more internal pressure.
Yes, it is important. We do many things in order to meet expectations, to be seen as good and respectable individuals, to earn a living and to survive. There is an unspoken order of what can be said and how we should behave. And all of us participate in it, more or less, sooner or later. And that is okay. The first step in change is to acknowledge what is real. And then step by step we can work on changing patterns.
And yes, it matters to me whether you like this article or not. I am writing it for myself, but if there is no one to read it, then it stays only in my head. We do everything for ourselves, but we also need each other to be seen.
We will always need each other, so why not be honest and real. Brilliant, creative, messy, arrogant, kind, contradictory, everything that makes us human. Being human is beautiful, if we allow it.
If someone is not what others want, people get angry. It seems that everyone has a clear idea of how others should live their life, but not of their own.
Paulo Coelho
Author Ivana Song.
