Who Speaks in Our Inner Dialogue?
The things we say become messages woven into our lives and the lives of the people around us. Depending on the context, most of them probably come from a good place. But when they were said and how we understood them can make all the difference. When we put them side by side, we begin to see how many different voices can become part of our inner dialogue and just how contradictory the messages we hear can be.
These are just some of them…
“Don’t be shy, That’s who you are, You should be ashamed of yourself, Be humble, Stop making faces, Stop jumping around, Why are you always sitting around, Join in, Don’t draw attention to yourself, Don’t bother people, Don’t laugh so loud, Why don’t you ever smile, Don’t be lazy, What’s the rush…
Be realistic, It doesn’t work like that, That’s just a hobby, Come up with something of your own, Keep your head down and get on with it, Finish school, School isn’t everything, Who’s that you’re seeing, Get married, So, have you found yourself a boyfriend yet, Be independent, Have children, When are you getting married, Don’t be a wimp, Man up, Show your feelings, Don’t cry, Keep your head down, Hold your head up, Be quiet, Let it go, Say what you think, You’re too calculating, Get serious, Why are you so serious, Don’t get angry, Don’t be sad, Just be happy, You’re too impulsive…
It is what it is, That’s just the way it is, Things aren’t going to change, Put the effort in and it’ll work out, Don’t do that, Get up and do something, Don’t push yourself too hard, You care too much, You can’t get something from nothing, Relax, Let go, Stop forcing it, Figure it out, There’s always a way, That’s how everyone does it, why do you have to be different, Stop copying everyone else, Be yourself, You’re overdoing it, Learn to adapt…
You can do better than that, Everything always has to be your way, You’re so stubborn, That’s already been done, What makes you think you’re special, You don’t know anything, School is important, You think you’re so smart, Got a degree and now you think you know everything, Use your head, You’re arrogant…
You think you’re so beautiful, You’re gorgeous, You’re really handsome, You’re beautiful, You’re fat, Where are the muscles, You’re too skinny, How tall are you, You’re tiny, Your legs are so short, Your legs go on forever, You’ve got no ass, Look at the size of your ass, You’ve got no waist, Look at the size of your boobs, Where are your boobs, Your legs are too skinny, Look at her legs, they’re like tree trunks…
Don’t wear that, It’s too short, That’s too long, Button up another button, What are you dressed like a nun for, Be natural, Why don’t you put on a little makeup, What’s all that stuff around your eyes, You look pale, Make a bit of an effort, Why are you all dressed up like you’re going to a ball, Make yourself presentable, You’re too relaxed, That’s not appropriate, Forget the rules, Why does everything have to be about you, Why haven’t you done anything with yourself, You could’ve done anything, You’ve only got yourself to blame…
That’s just how life is so why bother trying, Why don’t you make more of an effort, If you’d actually done something you could’ve been whatever you wanted by now, She thinks the whole world revolves around her, Nothing’s going to happen unless you make it happen, Why does she have to push herself into everything, Do as you’re told, You don’t have to do everything people tell you…
You can’t do that, You can do whatever you decide to do, You know everything, You haven’t got a clue, You’ll see what happens when you don’t listen to me, Why are you listening to everyone else, do what you think is right, Everything has to be your way, You’re not the only person in the world…
Stop it, Take your time, Who are you hanging around with, Why are you always on your own, Stay curious, You always have to know everything, You’re not interested in anything, That’s not how it is, Find out for yourself, Stop sticking your nose into everything, Who told you that, Take some advice, People know what they’re talking about, Don’t listen to every idiot who has an opinion, That’s perfectly normal, You’re not normal, Why are you so withdrawn, Get involved, Participate, Don’t trust people, People are awful, Be a decent human being…
There are rules, Rules are made to be broken, Mind your own business, Go out and socialize, Why are you always out, you’re not going to learn anything that way, Why are you always at home, you’ll never experience anything new sitting here…
Be nice, Why are you so nice, You need to stand up for yourself, That’s not nice, Why are you so naive, Trust people, Anyone can take advantage of you, Don’t lie, Don’t cheat, Sometimes a little white lie is for the best, Be honest, Don’t rock the boat, Show some initiative, Be on time, The early bird gets the worm, You don’t have to be that early, Why are you late…
Life is hard, Life is beautiful, Appreciate every day, It’ll all be over before you know it, Life is long, It all passes and then you die, Be present, Make every moment count, You’ll regret it when it’s too late…
Do you always have to overthink everything, You need to know what’s going on, Choose yourself, Who do you think you are, You know what you want, You don’t even know what you want, Nobody can do this better than you, Why are you so stubborn, Be persistent, You don’t always have to be first, You’re so rude, Give a little, Why are you such a pushover…
Try harder, Keep it simple, It’s easy, No chance, You can do anything you set your mind to, You always think you’re better than everyone else, That was a stupid thing to do, You learn from your mistakes, Don’t listen to anyone, Why didn’t you do what I told you…
Come on, Hurry up, There’s no way you can pull that off, You make your own reality, Nothing’s ever going to change, That’s yours, You have to share, Work with others, Take the lead, Don’t act like you’re important, You need to be independent, You can’t do everything on your own, What will people think, Who cares what other people think, Stop hiding, Be brave, Don’t rush into anything, Be proud of yourself, Don’t get too full of yourself…
Your voice doesn’t matter, Speak up, Why are you so quiet, Stand up for yourself, Wait, What are you waiting for, How can you do that, Why won’t you do anything, Wait your turn, If you keep waiting you’ll never get anywhere, Where do you think you’re going, Slow down, Get moving, Just go for it, Push your way through, Nothing comes for free, Money can’t buy happiness, Money makes the world go round, Money corrupts people…
People are wonderful, Be careful who you trust, Don’t trust anyone, You can’t do anything without other people, Trust yourself, Who are you to think you can do that, Nothing ever goes the way you want, That’s life, Life is the most precious thing you have, None of it matters, One day you’ll learn the hard way, Life isn’t fair, Play fair…
Love yourself, Don’t be so full of yourself, Help other people, Look out for yourself, Try to understand where they’re coming from, They don’t know what they’re talking about, They’re rude, Don’t judge people, Don’t be so demanding…
Be patient, Why do you let everyone walk all over you, Be creative, Why do you always have to be different, Say what you want, You can’t always have it your way…
Be precise, Stop being so picky, Do you have to know everything, You’re boring, Calm down, Where’s your youthful spirit, Youth is wasted on the young, You’ll understand when you’re older, There’s nothing more precious than youth…
Leave me alone, Don’t you care how I’m doing, Go on your own, Why are you going alone, Who were you with, I don’t care what you do, Leave people alone, It’s all about who you know, What were you thinking, Stop playing it safe, Be careful, Do as you’re told, Think for yourself, Use your head, Don’t overthink it, Think it through, Be spontaneous, Why are you so uptight…
Good things come to those who wait, Don’t wait, Keep quiet, Be persistent, Be the best, You’re the best, You’re nobody, You are who you surround yourself with, Don’t brag, Modesty is a virtue, Stop hiding in your shell, Don’t do it like that, This way is easier, Don’t always take the easy way out, Don’t be afraid, Take the leap…”
What Becomes Part of Our Inner Dialogue?
Once these messages become familiar enough, they can find their way into our inner dialogue without us even noticing where they came from. Awareness gives us a chance to ask what we’ve absorbed from others, what still makes sense, and what we want to keep. We can hold on to what is useful, leave behind what no longer fits, and make more room for an inner dialogue that reflects who we are and who we choose to be.
How much of your inner dialogue do you consciously choose?
Author Ivana Song.
